When was the last time you had a drink and laughed about yourself with your partner?
For me, it had been a while. But this evening, he bought four beers and a pack of cigarettes, and we walked over to the courtyard and stood behind the gazebo as the sun set, talking talk like we usually talk.
Well, actually, let me correct myself: it wasn’t like we usually talk. We usually talk serious. We talk in-depth. We talk hard feelings and difficult times and, usually, it doesn’t end so well. Sometimes it’s a fight. Sometimes it’s a breakup. Sometimes it’s a sulking fit or the cold shoulder.
Talking about your feelings is great, don’t get me wrong. But I’m one of those people who sucks at talking about my feelings in a way that leaves room for the other person to weigh in. I get far too focused on what I felt, what I thought, what I needed, what I didn’t get, and so on. Even though he understands why I might feel the way I do, I’m not always able to update how I feel, even after I hear and understand where he’s coming from.
When I talk feelings, I’m kind of unilateral. And tonight, we laughed instead of talked. We teased each other about the same things that would’ve had me in a little defensive ball in most other conversations. We laughed about our adventures together so far. We high-fived each other for the dumb shit that we said. We were honest and open and light and happy to connect with one another — and that was so truly spectacular that I am thinking that from now on, every time we’re talking talk that we usually talk, I will bring beers. Or rum. Or vodka. Or anything really, I’m a super cheap date.
That’s what it felt like. It felt like a date between two people in their honeymoon period, still so interested in knowing what the other person had to say, still so eager to share what we thought ourselves, still so honest and comfortable enough to poke fun at each other. At ourselves.
I’m not saying that this was achieved only because of the alcohol, mind. I’m sure there are tons of ways you and your partner can both relax and ease into a good conversation that has all the points of a serious talk but none of the negative repercussions. Alcohol and a little something extra are only *my* preferred means of getting over myself and being able to talk to my partner like when we first got together four years and one son ago — I’m sure you have yours too. If not, try weed. Or ketamine. Or mushrooms. Or LSD. Or book a ticket to a music festival and get all those things at once.
But I digress.
I’m still kinda chuffed that I actually got over myself enough to communicate with my partner. Communication in the two-way-street sense, at that. I wasn’t just telling him something then getting pissed or sad because he didn’t respond how I would have liked him to. I was actually being honest with myself. I was being respectful of him (even if I was wisecracking a whole lot) as a person who I know and love, and who knows and loves me.
I am feeling so much relationship-awesome that I needed to write about it — but i hope it doesn’t sound like bragging. I hope it’s seen as sharing, or relating, or whatever schmancy term you well-adjusted individuals like to use.
I’m glad that tonight I was able to lighten up about my relationship and actually enjoy being in it. I haven’t been this grateful for my husband/boyfriend/partner/love (the terms are interchangeable, but the love always stays) in a while.
I like being this tipsy. But I like being this tipsy with Allen even more.